At Least I Didn't Shit In It

It's funny how going to bed early will fuck with your mind.

I awoke this morning on my old couch in the family room -- the white one with cracks in the leather. I slept on the long couch and my dad slept on the little couch. The sun had just begun to shine through the downstairs patio window at our house in Cerritos. Man, I had to take a major leak.

So I got up, walked a few steps to my left, dropped my shorts and opened the drawer of the Ikea dresser that my dad and I shared, which, for some reason, happened to be right next to the kitchen. I then proceeded to take a long, strong piss. I aimed to the left, away from the white T-shirts and closer to the clothes that already sported a slight yellowish hue. I swear I was pissing a heavy stream for close to a minute.

That's when my dad got pissed.

"Hey, it's okay to piss in the dresser, but not too much!" he growled. "You're going to turn all the clothes too yellow!"

Then I woke up for reals, went to the bathroom and took a decent piss.