Fart To The Beat - The iCarta!

I know what you're thinking -- I hate when Ostrich farts in a club, but I love that his flatulence creates ample space for me to shake it like a saltshaker. But that's a subject for another time (probably after someone suffocates to death on the dance floor). Today, I shall practice my copywriting skills by introducing....

The iCarta!
Do you love your iPod so much that you must listen to it everywhere? Have you ever thought to yourself, "This jam is the shit!" then realized you had to take a shit? Do you want to be cool like the people on The OC? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then it's time to Enhance Your Experience! With the iCarta, you can take two of history's most treasured pastimes -- music and shitting -- and roll them into one!

The iCarta features two full-range speakers that double as a toilet paper dispenser, as well as two subwoofers that create sound waves powerful enough to aid bowel movement. The iCarta's practical design allows iPods of all sizes to rest their tired feet in an adjustable spacer while simultaneously recharging. Best of all, after you've spent time ripping your old dispenser from the wall and mounting the iCarta in place, you can remove it from the wall again, fold it up, and take it with you. Now, whenever you fart in a public restroom and someone yells, "What is that hideous sound?!" you can honestly answer "Celine Dion fo' life, biatch!"

"But Ostrich, I can just bring a radio to the bathroom..." Shut up! If you want to limit your selection of music, be my guest. Don't come running to me when Michael Bolton causes you to shit and vomit at the same time.

"But Ostrich, I can just bring a CD player to the bathroom..." Shut up! The sound vibrations caused by your excessive farting will cause your CD to skip.

Plus, if you take your iPod to the bathroom, no one will ever want to borrow it from you again. Sure, the once-pristine cover will soon sport a brownish hue and smell like ass, but you could always wipe that away with toilet paper. Hmmmm...where could you get toilet paper? The iCarta!

Check it out for yourself!


Disclaimer -- Ostrich is not an iPod owner so he is not qualified to write on the subject. But if someone would like to shoplift him the still-non-existent Widescreen iPod, he would gladly give you a live demonstration of the iCarta right in your own bathroom!